yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
