were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
