Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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