My pussy is not your playground.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
