Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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