When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
