I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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