i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
