Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
