She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
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