I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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