You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
