I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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