Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
