Rock
Scissors
Fuck
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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