You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
