He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
