four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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