Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
