I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
