god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
