i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
