At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
