talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
