It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
