Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize