I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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