If i come over, it means nothing
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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