Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
