I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
