He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
