so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
