did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The air was thick with penises
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
