look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
