HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
