Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize