you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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