she looked like the bat from fern gully.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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