I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize