Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
it glows. i had to have it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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