there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
