Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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