your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
