Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize