In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
