my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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