I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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