Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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