that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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