No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize