We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
