So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How naked do you want me to be?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
