eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
