I am spending my child support on dildos
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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