Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
