so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
