I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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