i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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