i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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