If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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