We won't sleep together?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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