i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
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