I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
