Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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