Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Your cock deserves a montage
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
