Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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