I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
