ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
